Entitlement!

I'm going to let you in a little secret, I don't feel nor have ever felt guilty for my relationship with God. What I mean is that for some reason I have never felt unworthy of His love for me. I keep getting this sense that Christians see their relationship with God as a burden or as never measuring up to His grace. It's not that I don't understand the whole by faith in Christ and not by our works thing, I get that and believe it.

I think it goes back to being one of His chosen people. Hebrews have had a longer time to understand their relationship with God and accept it (though they have gotten something majorly wrong). I can't help but feel a sense of entitlement for His love.

See I don't think you can accurately describe or express a relationship based on love by using guilt. I think we Christians miss the point about measuring up, it's about where our focus is. Do we feel guilty of God's grace or joyful that we are entitled to it as children?

The Post that Never Was....

After trying to write this one for the last two weeks resulting only in sounding like a wind bag; I have decided to take my wife's advice and not write about what I've been trying to write about.

Right! So here's a little bit of an update. The spleen is coming out sometime next month and I should only be out for two weeks. The wife is not taking this well and keeps bringing up last years issues. I keep laying out the odds (that was the fifth surgery in my life and the only one to have complications, so as the say, one out of five ant bad) and with this being the sixth the odds are good that thing will be ok. So pray for her also, I don't think she can handle another bad one.

Oh! I added a little tracking widget to the blog to see who is reading it. Don't worry it only tells me where you are and how you got here, not who you are. So take a look, it's on the lower right.

This Still May Cause an Aneurism...

This post is a continuation of "Like a Sink in a Bedroom" post, and you have been warned!

Today we spent the day looking at homes again, it's a nice cheap hobby. When we came upon the same builder from that post, except this time there was a rep from the company there. Once we walked into the second bedroom and saw the sink, I exclaimed that we could ask them why is there a sink in this bedroom. Ahh! Yes! Nirvana! I can finally know the answer to the question of the universe. WHY IS THERE A SINK IN A BEDROOM?

After walking around the house a little longer, I turned and asked the rep, "Why is there a sink in that bedroom?"

!!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!!
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She replied, "You know a lot of people are asking that question, and well... I think its for like if you had two kids sharing the bath down the hall. One can take a shower and then get ready in there room, while the other one is taking a shower. Or if you have a grand parent move in. They could... you know have there own sink!"

Now take a breather and let this settle for a minute. And remember, for me to scream in her face, "ARE YOU INSANE!" would have been a faux pas in mixed company.

I began to realize she had no idea.

Jen and I spent the next hour discussing her answer and our previous ideas and came up with the following:

1) If it were the two kid thing, there would be no need for one to have a sink because the child that would get that room would be the older, for it is the bigger room and thus they would take showers at different time. If they happen to be female twins, you would only need a vanity not a sink in that room. If there was a boy in the mix, that would make the need non extant for every one knows girls trump boy in the hygiene area.

2) If you by chance need or had to house a grand parent, they would need a toilet before they needed a sink (grenade joke, give it a minute).

The only possible reason we could think of is that (and I hate to agree with my wife on this) a man thought, 'hay people like bathrooms a lot, how about we put a sink in this room!'

Green Genes!

Where to start....

Ok! So there are no cancer genes, but there are gene mutations that we know will cause colon cancer. And we know that these mutations can be passed on. Also, the test for these mutations is very expensive, so they don't like doing it without good reason.

In my case my family history lends itself to the possibility that I have this mutation. However, because of the liver disease and the ulcerated colitis, I would have gotten colon cancer without having the mutation. So the question becomes does any one in my family and near generations have or had a specific type of colon cancer. Well my dad is out no colon issues there and since he was adopted, that's a dead end. My Papa on my moms side died of colon cancer with mets to the liver back in 82' and both of her brothers have had polyps. So there might be some genes here.

The gene lady asked if we could get the path report for the uncle who doesn't liver here and if that showed pre cancer polyps we would do the test. Well the path report is in and no pre cancer. So as I said I have Green Genes!

Oh! You can't pass on colitis but the liver disease hereditary but there is a slim chance of that. That means as long as the swimmers are still good, we'll be makin babies.

Guess? Genes!

Well we (Jen and I) had our first meeting with a Genetic Counselor on Friday. She spent an hour telling us over and over agian that she realy doesn't know if we should get tested for gentic disorders and that she needed time to reaserch my family. What I some what missed was that she said while she was try to explain genetics to us, that at best it was all just an educated guess.

So I called Dan up (because he's smart, sometimes) and told him what she said. He replied that she didn't know what she was talking about. He did agree that it was all just a guess, but explained it more in terms of probability rather that chance. In response, I equated it to quantum physics and he agreed. We ended our conversation with Dan stating that I should *#&!@ it and have the kids.

I went about doing some reaserch and found some interesting facts. There are 46 chromosomes in each human. Each one is made up of 50 to 250 million protien combinations. That means that each of us has between 2.3 to 11.5 billion protien pairs. And it only takes one wrong pair to mess us up.

How is it possible that we are here?

Don't Panic

I often think if we retitled the Bible to "Don't Panic" more people would read it. I say this because for me, one of the most useful aspects of the Bible is not panicking.

For an example, this weekend I did something to my ankle. I don't know what but by Monday it was about the size of a baseball (that's big for my 160 lbs frame). It didn't hurt but there was some bruising. So I called up my chemo guy, because of the whole blood thing, and he ordered a Doppler (it's an ultrasound for your leg). In which they found nothing. Now I didn't panic because I've read the book. With all the other crap going on I had every right to act like my mother at a clearance sale. Even the technician performing the Doppler found it amazing how calm I was with all that I've been through.

In the end the answer to the quest why don't you/we/I panic is because God is always there and it is real easy to stay calm knowing that.

So in the middle of all your crisisies remember "Don't Panic" and bring a towel.

"To The Pain"

If you ever want to know what true pain is, have a bone marrow biopsy. Nothing will prepare you for it, words can't discribe how painful it is, the only good thing about it is that it last for a few secounds. I guess any longer you one would die.

Went to the doc today to get the results. My marrow is good, like five ***** good. I'm also 162 lbs (need to start working out to get this weight were I want it). The bad part is even after the transfusion my platelets were only 18,000 that's up from 11,000 but good is between 50 to 100 thousand. And it looks like they want my spleen now.

The title is from the Princess Bride (you need to see it if you haven't), a scene in which Wesley confronts Prince Humperdink by stating he was going to cut off or out most of the prince. I for some reason find this familiar.

As for the delay in post, I am beginning to understand theories on processing. Sometimes things need time to process before I can write about them.

"Oh sure! You can live without (insert organ here)"

I'm beginning to wonder how many times one can hear this and it be true.

I went to the liver doctor on Monday and they pretty much agreed with the oncologist, that I can live without my spleen if need be. If this does end up happening that will make it four organs removed and one replaced. I'll have to change the blog to 3 organs down or 4 and 1 and still kicking.

I also went and gave blood today and the oncologist called about an hour ago and wants me to have a transfusion today and a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow. Yes my mind is spinning with all the not so good thoughts, that I wont mention.

I again ask for your thoughts and prayers.
And remember I can live without (insert organ here).

Ferfer

What follows is a poem (yes, I'm one of those types) I wrote to my wife.

It has come to my attention,

That's something of me you lack.

And I wish you no intention,

To give the ring back.

As I begin to understand how two should be,

Wrapped with Him in eternity.

I see the reason why,

Flowers wont do,

So I write this poem,

Of love to you!

Matt Dejonge 08'

"Let Me eSpleen,...No! Let Me Sumup..."

For those who didn't know my platelets are low (1700's [they give transfusions and 3500 or less]). No transfusion yet. I saw the doctor (Parker, cancer guy) today and he gave me four possible resons: 1) I have a platlet antibody (ie...a bacteria or white blood cell targeting my platelets); 2) Hyperactive Sleen (this is a side effect of liver disease); 3) something going on with the new liver; 4) or something else (other).

The plan so far is to do more blood work and have the liver clinic (whom I see Monday) do some extra tests, to rule out antibodies of viruses.

The best outcome is I am just having a reaction to the chemo (He went to school 4 more years then me, go figure). Worst case I have to rename my blog to "Three Organs Down." So if you could start sending the prayers my way thanks!