Weekly Charge Vol.8, What happend to Vol. 7?

So I was looking through the post the other day and saw I had two Vol. 6's.

Went to the doc today, no chemo, white count is fine but red count is low. CT came back with no new sites and no increase in size of current sites. The doc said that this was unexpected in someone with my case, and it looks like the praying is working. He also said that chemo may end in June if keeps going this good. So even though I can't have chemo the cancer is dieing. My weight is down by a pound, 151 lbs, that is easy to fix.

In closing thank you for all the good thoughts.

Martha Stewart's Globolization

For the guys, Martha Stewart's magazine is called Martha Stewart's Living. It even uses the same font.

The Summer of George

I quickly realized that these rules were not quite enough when dealing in a relationship. They were good for getting my self esteem up, but did nothing to stop me from getting into one bad relationship after another.

There was this episode of Seinfeld in which George decide to do the exact opposite thing from what he normally would do in every area of his life. For instance his pickup line in the show was, "I'm a 40 year old bald man, I live with my parents and I don't have a job!"

I concluded after analyzing all my past girlfriends, that this was a good idea. I found that they all were short brunettes that didn't talk much and who's sexual preference could be question. Oh, and none of them were Christian.

I started with were to find women who would match the opposite profile. I know what your thinking and no I didn't start in a church. This would have to be some one who was smart also. So I went to the internet. Talk about rejection, in the first six months I subscribed to two different sites and emailed over 150 women to no avail. Wait there was that cat lady. Rule #6: Never date a cat lady!

Thus the search would continue...

The Rules of Rejection

And now for the next chapter in our story...

After a while of attempting to date, Dan and I started to come up with rules to help deal with rejection. When you have a low self esteem rejections is the enemy. And so:

1) All women are insane. This is not meant to be an insult, but rather a fact. See women don't think like men and since the playing field is the male mind "All women are insane". This also works for women, at least the basic argument. All men are insane because they don't think like women. Regardless, it no longer is about me pleasing them but weather I want to deal with there insanity. It goes from a me based relation to a them based relation.

2) Never ever, ever, I mean never; date a stripper! This also includes porn stars, prostitutes, and junkies. Why because these are self destructive people. Remember the end result of dating is a relationship and who wants to be in a relationship with a self destructive person when your trying to grow and improve yourself?

3) Keep your mouth shut stupid! Women pleaser's, geeks, nice guys, what ever you want to call us; have a tendency to talk a lot when we are nervous. Through out Psalms and Proverbs this idea is stated. I think one of them is "Even a fool is counted wise, if his lip he keeps shut." Trust me most girls don't want to know about your limited edition Batman watch with grappling hook.

4) Sex is not an option until your in an exclusive relationship where you both agree your ready. Paul put it this way"

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 "Now to the unmarried...if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

I have been unfortunate "to burn with passion," and fortunate to get married before. Trust me the later is way better.

5) All ways set up the next date before your current date is over. Because if she isn't into you she wont agree to another date. That mean set it up at the end of the date not the beginning.

In closing these rules only work for dating, once you know she's it get rid of them. Except for #4. And for #3, she will be comfortable by then to tell you to shut up.

The Weekly Charge Vol.6

I would like to say there is good news, but there isn't. White count went lower. Don't know about the weight yet, I don't see the doctor until Friday. There will be a new chapter in the story by tomorrow. Now me and the wife are going to try and forget the bad news.

Tess of the d'Urbervilles

You meet the most diverse group of people working as a night clerk. And it is always good to get to know the local law. One such person was Tess (yes like the book), she was and I hope still is a Police Officer.

I bring her up because she is also one of the most faithful people I have ever met. One of the many conversations we had involved covenants with God. She told me during this discussion that she had one with Him that He would not let her blood spill on American soil. You see she was from Trinidad and couldn't wait till she could get back there. She also told of how many times God had saved her from this fate and how she prayed about this every day.

I found this profound and when I was still in the hospital for the liver transplant I pray for God to give me 100 years of life. I pray for this most days. When I get into moods like I'm in now, I know that I have lost sight of this. So I start to pray again and ask for forgiveness. I don't know if it will happen because we are all subject to His time table, but I do still hope and pray for it.

In closing I would like to thank Roger for suggesting I stare at the sky.

"You can't always get what you want..." The Weekly Charge Vol 6

Well today is another day in the long line of doing nothing to reach my goal of beating cancer. My white count was 1.8 and for those of you following that means no chemo. My weight was 147 lbs so 2 more pounds.

I have noticed lately that I am getting really angry really easy. I recently bought Call of Duty 3 for the Wii. This was not a good idea on the part of Nintendo. The major problem is that a First Person Shooter (FPS) like Call of Duty relies on two analog axises to move and shoot. The Wii controller has one. That means while you have one little joystick thingy to move back and forth and side to side, you have to move the Wii remote to look in the direction you want to go and shoot. What ends up happening is that you stare at the sky a lot and spin in a circle or you throw your grenades at your own feet. Remember that the third word in FPS is shooter meaning you spend 90% game going around and shooting at things. These thing aren't often in the middle of the sky or at your feet. So how long do you think before that Wii strap saved my TV from becoming a very heavy paper weight?

That anger is the exact same anger I have felt about my health situation. You see in order to beat cancer I need to stay focused on beating it. Not only praying a lot, but also getting the medications that will kill it. In order to get these meds my white count needs to be at least 2.0 and it's not. They have given me other meds to bring it up but that hasn't worked (the grenade just falls at my feet). Thus I'm staring at the sky and spinning around.

And God is being silent or I can't hear him over the exploding grenades.

"Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be"

So we left off with Spaniards claiming my brain and now we are entering Nirvana.

One of the noticeable similarities Dan and I had at the time was a low self esteem. It was thought to be a result of fatherless, but over the years I have come to see that it was more due to the environment in which we were raised.

Regardless, we both had a low self esteem when it came to social interaction. This had to change. Dan decided to run social experiments, basicaly he put himself into the situations he wanted to be good. I went to the bible.

As I studied, I came across a verse I had read many times before that for some reason hit me like a brick.

Romans 8:14-16 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

So not only are we sons of God, but He didn't give us a spirit of bondage, He gave us a spirit of rebirth in Him. This changed me at the core. How could I ever fear any social situation again knowing that I am what God says I am and that is His son.

The only down side to this story is if Mr. Cobain had known this, maybe he would still be with us. But then again if he had maybe we wouldn't have such good songs. And of course he did say he found it hard, it's hard to find.

The Weekly Charge Vol. 5

Well good news and bad news today. I'm 145lbs!!!!! Thats what I was before all this crap started and if you count that I'm one less organ I've gained about 3lbs more that what I was before. Bad news is no chemo today, white count was 1.7 even with the neupogen.

There will be another chapter in the story ether today or tomorrow.

But I have to go kill some Nazis first.